Any given day, Im all over the Bay. Lately, I have been chasing fog into my all time fav city. I sure love me some Karl.
Feelings are so raw and I feel like I have burning down my own home with its old ways and all, to make way for new things. New attitudes, new ideas, new feelings, new roads, new people.. a new life.
Lots of changes. Lots of tears. Awkward, uncomfortable even painful. I'm really feeling the refiners fire.
I woke up one day and realized a painful truth. I am very happy with so many aspects of my life but one part brings me absolute misery. Its the one part that should make me happy but it just doesn't. It sucks so bad to the point that (I feel) its the very reason that has been making me constantly sick. (possibly the reason behind these miscarriages too???) The idea alone of being able to truly heal has made me do a 180 and a lot of good has been coming from it. I can't even believe all of the support that has been coming out of the woodwork in support of me. :))
I'm all for change especially the kind that leads me to being more authentic. Im not itching for perfectionism. Just to be made whole. I want all of me to be happy. Flaws and all, I am going to be 100% happyyy. I know that God wants me to be this way and as soon as I was ready to embrace this miserable part of my awesome life, the floodgates have been wide open. I am so grateful. I know its vague but when its on the world wide web, I have to be. What matters is that I'm making the necessary sacrifice for my happiness. Its a huge risk but the way I'm looking at it, Ive already lost so much in my life that I got nothing but so much good to gain. :)