Looking for the good whereever it is..


Looking for the good whereever it is and right now its on that table. Im a sashimi girl all the way but a few rolls with lots of sauce couldn't hurt every now and then, right? As long as my soy sauce has lots of wasabi in it (the kind when you breathe it in it makes your eyes water) than its all good. :)

Recently, I am finding my heart being filled with love and peace. I wrote on my IG a little bit of what is going on. More and more lately, Ive debated on sharing any part of my life. I really dont believe anymore I have something to offer especially to help inspire others to look for the good, to move forward, to look for the good. I dont know..

However, Ive been wanting to get somethings off my chest and I will divulge.

1. Blogging isn't for the faint of heart. This is my observation from little experience and dont expect me writing any books about it either. har har I will say expanding my horizon in the blogging world has help me see some of the pretentious and catty ways it seems to be ruled by. This isn't something that I do NOT allow to exist in my world. However, I have seen much much good in it too. I have met some seriously good great people who keep it very real and I keep them close to my heart. They aren't afraid of being themselves outside a blog and have been such a great example to me. 

Now I dont know where I fit in the blogging world and I really dont care anymore. I dont even do sponsorships or try to make money off of it either. Im so inconsistent and I really need to quit. Ill get there. :)) I just know its been another great source for curious, fault-finding eyes to go and a place for anonymous haters to snark on. Also, Ive been burned bloggers, you can't help but to rethink the point of blogging. I mention this to not warrant pity but it seems to be happening more and more and I want no part in it. (Granted, blogging has been dying so why even the effort now) I do realize that not all Bloggers are in it to use you as a stepping stone to get them to the next level like some sick popularity game. Aaaaaaaaand, Ive had people I used to know find fault with everything on this here blog but did I let it get to me. (Kinda but not anymore. lolol) Like I said, you gotta roll with it. I will say it has been a great release for my wannabe blogger ways. I just want to not only look for the good but promote good, ya know. Whatever that is........

2. Instagram is my thang and that is where I live. Enough said. I went with my heart to pursue that more even though it freaked me out and I dont regret it. I can guarantee you're not going to see a face-filled IG account from this girl. Well, maybe if I was blessed with good looks but not this girl.. Maybe that will change but for now, Im trying to promote uplifting in my own way even if its something I ate and is a bunch of delicious donuts!! haha Oh and check out #pnwneedsmorecowbell for one of my fav IG adventures from last Dec. Oh, PNW, you have my heart <3 br="" long="" love="" me="" time.="" you="">

3. I am making changes to some things on this blog to keep it authentic to the bone. I really need to lose some weight figuratively speaking. I wish this was true in real life. Im just not that disciplined anymore. Helloooo, look at that delicious photo. :))

4. My skin is thick aaaaaaaaaaaaaand that can/has/does intimidate others. My life experiences do make me stand out especially in the religious community that Im apart of. I used to not understand why this is so but hey, I got crazy life experiences. I no longer shame myself for that. That is why my friends got some serious heart and character. Y'all need to stop moving away too. Another post for another dayyyyyyyy.

4.5. Lets be real clear, I didn't grow up privilege, Im not one of those competitive beezys either, and I treasure diversity. Diversity in culture, spirituality, thought,  FOOD, opinions... If you can't respect mine as I do for yours. Well, goodbye felicia. Im pretty sure if you dont like me then the feeling may be mutual but I really dont care. 

5. I love making new friends within the blog and IG world. So if you are one of those that are who is genuine, honest,down for IG adventures, love to talk and EAT... Lets do this.

Whew, it feels good to express that.

I can't believe its almost April!!!!

The kid thang


Often I feel like tha tone bird chillen by itself doing its own thang. Honestly, I couldn't anymore happier. Table for one, please. :)
Its kinda surreal that Im at this point in my life. Im back in school, hopefully going back to full time work, and still no kids. Its not that our relationship isnt at a point where we dont want to have babies. They just aren't coming so you move on. I have to survive and if I dont move on, Im going to be depressed again. Its the truth folks. Im not giving up at all but its my reality.

With that said, I LOVE that Im in school and trying at this getting healthy/loving my body for what it is/gym thang AGAIN. Its true when youre in your mid-thirties, youre paying for what you did or didn't do in your twenties....

As for college, it was was never really in the plans as I was often trying to figure out the next meal as a single person. I was in survival mode. When I was 22, I had a full time job, contributing into a 401k, and taking care of my sister. (yet still living paycheck to paycheck) I was def not a responsible person but I had priorities to handle and I mos def had no family to rely on. It was just my sister and I. Thangs are so different now and I feel backwards. Most people go to college and finish then get married. Well, Im stoked I can be in college now. Im not getting younger and want to move on with this part of my life.

On another note, California, bring me some RAIN!!!We just had some and it was a blank of an eye. Oh where have Ive been? Ive been on my Instagram a lot more. No, I still am not plastering my face all over the my instagram feed. I feel the reason is.. well, my story is about the world around me. Not me. You get those kinds of details on me blog. If I'm ever on here anymore. ha

Blog Talk: Blogging boundaries


Ive been writing in this here blog for awhile. It started off as something for my family but they were never really good at keeping up yet I still kept writing. I tried the sponsoring other blogs and jumping in on the game that way but I felt like I started prematurely. Having been a Contributor on a bigger blog, I started to learn the ropes yet, again, I still felt very green.I have learned somethings though....

Im very curious to know what your blogging boundaries are. Here are some of mine:

1. Blog at least once a week. This is a new goal versus once a month or whenever Im in the mood.
2. Just writing to write. Whatever is on my mind and sleeve. That can be a little dangerous.
3. Keep the drama off the blog yet shared lessons learned.
4. Photoshop - Only if it helps tell my story but not in the way where it alters me and you meet me in person and think WTF!!                              
5. Be ME. Be real even without any Photoshop, on trend clothing, hair and nails did.
6. Little religion. We are religious folks over here but we aren't the shove it down your throats kind of people. If you want to know.. you are welcome to inquire for yourself and I wont stop you at all.If I have an experiences that causes me to share my beliefs, I will. I just dont ever believe in force feeding my beliefs into your world. Boundaries peoplesss
7. No "your life is perfect" blogging. I believe in protecting relationships but Im not gonna play that Im happy all the time because Im not. Just being real folks.
8. Have Blogging friends - Im friends with bloggers who I really know off the blog. Its so nice to have friends who are bloggers because they get the woes of blogging and can relate. With that being said, I chose carefully. I like to keep people in my world who are very real, honest, and have depth. Superficial friendships hasn't ever worked well with this gal.
9. Photos -  Trying to not have repeat offenders is not my thing. Differant images on my IG vs my blog. It doesn't seem that difficult anyway. I think I may have been guilty of sharing whats on IG onto my blog and for me, it had to stop.  *two snaps and neck roll*
10.Sponsored content - I am not sure when this is appropriate. Ive read people hating on rstyle links and for some, its their job. Ive read how it adversely affects authenticity on a blog. Any thoughts? I dont seeing it be a problem but then again, its a fine line. Its a great thing working for brands too!
11. Little mention of other family members other than my husband and I. Keeps the content to us and it helps protects them.
12. Deleting comments whose opinions that oppose my views unless its outright rude or Anonymous.
13. Dont single out people or reference them. Got drama with them, talk to them personally and I keep it off the blog. On the reals, I just always deal with people unless they are just unbearable but I do try to talk to them directly. 

So, what are some of  your blogging boundaries? Lets learn together. :)

p/s: Go Sf Giants!!! Tempted to join in on the parade tomorrow but it will be ghrasie!!

SF Giants, it rained, and I want a caramel apple.


This is proof that it stormed. It all lasted not even a few minutes but, hey, it rained! I am trying to not be too serious on the very serious drought issue we are having but it hits me when it finally rains; how bad it really is. Well, it was long enough to rinse off the ocean water from my car. I hope so.

Earlier today, I was driving around in the City. Found myself driving on a road that was next to the lovely ocean and the waves were ripping very high onto it. When it impacted the side of the road, the waves were as high as maybe 20 feet. It would eat any car that drove on this road. Some drivers waited till the waves hit then drove on. Well, I didn't. I drove onto it, pulled over, and parked. I wanted to record these majestic waves on my camera but it had no room. I had to empty it out tonight and I was able to catch the quickie rainfall we got. Crazy how it easy to document our lives. Not wanting to miss a passing moment yet do if you get too caught up in it all. Everyone seems to have access to their own personal reality show but how real is it?

On another note, GO SF GIANTS!!!!! I wasn't at the game as soo many of my friends were. In fact, I left the city to avoid getting caught up in all the traffic and crasiness that follows these games. Ive always been a fan but not a hardcore fan (insert sport team that I like) that knows names, stats, ..insane amounts of details of each player and the teams history. (if youre one of them, more power to you). If you're a new fan, GREAT. I just always thought it was weird for people to hate on those jumping on board to be a new fan of a winning team because theyve won. I think its a great when its for a team from my home city!! :))

I have to add, nothing is more amazing then when SF unties and celebrates. Just dont get me started on when a loss has happened to one of our sport teams. Chaos ensues... c'mon city.. we can have good sportsmanship too, right? 

Great, I want a caramel apple. I saw a friends IG photo of one she went to get and its all I can think of. My oreas and milk couldn't satisfy that craving... Hmmm, now Ill have to wait till Monday. Sheesh.

Small life lessons from my world


Some things I am learning from my small life span here on planet crazy:

- Food will always be there. Growing up, it was something that was scarce. Well, my weight scale will tell you I eat plenty well now. :))
- People will eventually apologize for the wrong they cause, and if not them, someone else will even their children.
- I have friends but a few I trust as if my life depended on it. It feels good to have loyal friends and they are cherished and loved. 
- Observations: No matter how much you try to run from the consequences of your past, it will catch up to you and bite you hard. Or, open doors for you.
- I used to shame myself for something that happened to me from a long long time ago. It was out of my control. Ive finally let go and it feels soo good. I feel whole and I couldnt do it without this
- I really like shoes and bags because I can still fit them no matter what waist size I am.
- I like being a girl with some weight and curves but certain organs in my body don't, so I have to really really take care of myself.
- Forgiving and moving on really does exist and it feels good. If you allow it. 
- Im spicy. Not sassy but spicy. Im not rude but I will tell you how it is and try to be sensitive about it. Lets be real, a friend will be honest with you whether you like it or not and Im that kind of person.
- In my own small way I am finding Im more artistic than I realized. Its been nice to discover this and not live life in survival mode which has interfered a lot of my self discovery when I was growing up.
- Even though I have a stable life now with a stable relationship, it doesn't change the fact that I grew up in a dysfunctional and toxic home. I had a parent who tried all she could yet failed miserably and I cant hold it against her anymore because Im in charge of my own life. Yes, some of those bad decisions of hers caused me live on and off the streets. I know hard and I realized that it can show up in my personality. Its decided that I wont be hiding the parts that make me comfortable because it makes someone else feel uncomfortable.
- Listening to those negative voices can cause serious harm. Prolong happiness if any. Whether these nay-sayers are right or not, that is besides the point. Ive learned that its my voice that matters most and giving that up is not ok. EVER.
- Dont participate in gossip. Don't break confidentiality. I guess its cuz I value my friends who are loyal and this is huge to me. If you want a great group of friends, exercise good principles. 
- I love people who aren't afraid to be themselves and are humble.
- Poach eggs are ghrasie good and so are mini waffles.
-Having met some of popular bloggers, Ive come to realize they are just normal people who are aren't afraid own their lives. I can respect that in every way regardless of personality differences.
- Not everyone wants to respect my Truth and it doesn't change the fact that it still exists for me.
- I learned recently that Im actually part Jewish too. I guess my mom was right in telling me that when she spoke little of my father. I just wished she mentioned he was part Black too.
- Life is so much better when you give back,  unconditionally.
- Im over trying to have kids and moved on. Sad but true. 
- Love begets love.

Another birthday..


^^entrance to off the grid
I celebrated my birthday last month. It was a marvelous day. I was up at 5a.m. and enjoyed a good read and some warm almond milk. Followed by an early morning hike to my favorite spot with a friend. As the fog rolled out, I enjoyed such a peaceful view of the Santa Cruz mountains. All through the hike, I was lovingly reminded me how badly out of shape I am and how well Ive eaten over the years. I just realized Im in my mid-thirties now and I need to step it up. Yup, you're reading a blog of someone isn't in her mid-twenties and Im enjoying very much my place in life right now. Ive always felt like an old soul but lets just say, I really love being in my 30's and Im not trying to rush it.
Lunch was spent with my favorite New Yorker. We got pedicures and ate a new place. Though the lobster rolls weren't all grand, it was fun to be in good company. Thats one thing you can love the Bay Area for and that its endless supply of new places to try. I can smell those garlic fries!!
I spent the evening with my homey/lover/eating buddy at Off the Grid.  We drove into the City at sunset and their was no traffic. I wish their was because the City was clear of Fog and I saw THE best sunset next to the Transamerican building. I hung my phone out the window as an attempt to get a photo.  Its always on the fence if we should move here. We are here all the time and it IS our home.

After feasting off food trucks, we headed towads Bernal Heights for a nightly stroll.  Above in that photo is him saying (pointing) how he wants to walk on some slick trail that Im not even trying to twist my ankle on so he went without me. (and he did just fine. go figure!) 

My thoughts on being in my mid-thirties: Well, I realized that I couldn't make it to this point of my life alone. Ive been blessed with meeting great people who have come and go. Some stayed longer than others, some have made some guest appearances, but overall have had such great impacts on my life. I dare even add the small few who had such negative impacts too and that is because Ive learned so much from their dysfunctional behaviors. The good make me thankful, the bad have helped me learn my life's valuable lessons.

Im of the opinion that life is meant to hurt a little, have some growing pains, and I couldn't be have had much growth without it. Im in a happy place now and it feels great because I worked so hard to have that. Now to work a little harder at the gym. :)) 

 Follow me on my Instagram. Lets be real, thats the only account Im really one these days.

My dirty and beautiful truth


When I was 15, I lived on my own for sometime. Moving from place to place, I slept at odd locations, and often dumpster dived for my next meal. One late-evening, I met other kids who were loners/underdogs/blacksheeps in there world. Kids who were bullied much (and, no, not everyone gets bullied) too. Kids who parents beat them till they were bleeding red. Kids who were gay and their families and society had shut them out. Kids who weren't looking for trouble but just wanted to be unconditionally accepted and loved. We all came from dysfunctional backgrounds but didn't know any better because that was our norm. Well, we became a family and I found hope again in that year. 

We were a family of misfits whose loyalty knew no bounds. Who knew that good ole Silicon Valley had a dark side but we created a light for ourselves. We all wanted to "get out of the hood." One day, I was able to get a job, and I found a mentor that help me see the bigger picture in life. (he even taught me how to box, so I can keep myself safe while living on the streets and it sho came in handy). I realized I needed to make it right with my mom, so I briefly moved back home for a short stint and then moved out several months later. lol I was determined to never move back home nor, live on the street again. 

The point of this boring story of mine is that I may have a hard exterior but it's because I've lived a colorful life. (I am working on softening my hard exterior, and trust you me that I'm a soft caramel on the inside.) Their are dark things in this world that no one should experience but people do and life can suck. However, you can rise above it if you allow yourself too. So to those struggling, I say have hope, work herra hard, move forward, be kind, forgive yourself and others, pay it forward, eat dessert before dinner, have adventures, laugh, be f'n fearless, and never give up. I know hard but I know hope a lot better and she's real. :) Sidenote: Their are some people who deserve to have the benefit of doubt and I'm glad my mom and I worked things out. She ended up dying a few years later and I have closure.

Mem Day


Memorial Day weekend was big fun blur and I took this photo to perfectly illustrate this. haha No, really, I just suck at night photography but it was such a busy weekend and this shot was spot on! A baby shower, family in town at the last minute, big exams, surf to chase for Nols, and spontaneous instameet with some amazing instagramers while we were chillen at the Golden Gate. It was glorious I tell ya. Im pretty sure we didnt sleep. Then I find out I may be going out of town last minute and that threw me for a head spin. Sometimes, I deal well with chaos. Unfortunately, my heart cant so its nice to just deal with these in small doses. Knock on wood.

I love this spot though. Not only the view is nice (minus the squiggle) but their is a sheer cliff beyond the little roped off area. Its nice to be reminded that with all great things in life, it has its boundaries too. Everything in moderation... even moderation, right. 
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